the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Sorry my hands just texted you
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
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