I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
