You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
