I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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