It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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