I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
