I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
