i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
