SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
