You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
