Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Less talking, more tequila
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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