Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
