you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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