i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
