I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
