his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
