He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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