dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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