So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
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i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
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I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
did i just pee glitter
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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