apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
