Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just pee around me
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
