Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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