Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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