Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
