Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize