I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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