doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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