Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
