Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You were trust falling into bushes
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
