I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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