i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
