if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I could make wine with my vomit
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
