Please, let me fuck your mom
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
