just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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