she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
