Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
