Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
