I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
