Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
