So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
