so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
