Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
