stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
