Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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