So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
