I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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