I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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