the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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