i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
