in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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