I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
