no, he came in my armpit
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
