This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
love makes seman taste better
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
