I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
