I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
