yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
