i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
