My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
