I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
