oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
