I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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