My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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