u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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