So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
