The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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