We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
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I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
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Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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