Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dick very happy bro
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
