So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
