I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
