i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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