AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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